We're having the Talk Girls.. (A little racy)

Now girls, I know this is going to come off as being incredibly crude and I'm actually aiming for that with this post, but I was thinking about

SEX

now not just about sex but about the lack of it while my marine is away, and I'm guessing most of you are dealing with it too. That's why I decided to bring it up in a post. I feel its one of the most UN-TALKED about situations when dealing with anyone in the service. I mean sex is a huge part of any relationship and don't let anyone fool you. I know when I get mad all I want him to do is show me that he wants to be me with me rather then another girl at a party or a girl we both stared at while at the strip club.

I've realized after knowing for so long that my marine was leaving that not everything was about how many times I went down on him or how many times we had sex before he left, it was more about how many nights I got to spend in his arms or how many weekends we had together. Sex didn't seem to be important, at least when I was getting some *haha*. Since he's been gone and I'm on my own, sex is something of an interest. Sadly he doesn't see it the same way I do. He's learned to tame the beast shall we say. I have to admit when I did see him within 30 minutes we were on his bed.

I feel that sex is a way to keep couples intimate, I mean it's not just about the act its about what happens after. The cuddling, the loving feelings that come up. The togetherness... I mean there's nothing stronger then that. And when it comes down to it, I'm not entirely sure I can do the 7 months without having him around and that isn't even thinking about sex. How do women do it? I mean I know the first answer I'll get is toys and such but when it comes down to it, the intimacy isn't there, yeah maybe you'll feel satisfied for a few days or a few hours or whatever but aren't you going to miss your lover even more?

Since my marine left I feel lonely at night and sometimes people on the street catch my attention more, especially if they wear anything that smells remotely to what he wears, and considering its axe I smell all over manhattan. I guess I'm trying to find out from marines, girlfriends, wives, lovers anyone whose dealt with the delayed gratification of having their lover in their arms again.

I know this entry is a little racy and I don't think any place online does it talk about sex, but I think it's so important to understand how to deal with something so natural and something so amazing and intimate, because honestly I'm not really sure how to get through that part of the deployment. Well hopefully this will generate some information for me to understand, considering that I saw my marine 2 weeks ago and I'm already missing the intimacy we had when I saw him.

Well I would greatly appreciate any input even if its in an email, I know a lot of women have different ways of coping and knowing a few would be a hell of a help. Anyways ladies, hopefully you can fill out the poll. I mean no offense to anyone through this blog or any of the entires I've written. I use this blog more to open up my mind for the picking and to understand new things. I am so new at this lifestyle I don't really know how to act or how to respond or how to deal with stuff. So you guys are the ones who get me through all of this. This is how I'm learning to deal with the fact that the love of my life, the man I want to spend eternity with, is leaving for 7 long months to fight for this country.

Sempre FI!

I hope all of your marines are doing well and coming home soon!

Is It Fair?

I guess recently I haven't been writing as much because I'm slightly more morbid then I feel I should let on to others. This whole deployment thing is tearing me apart. Every time I talk to him it's either 2 seconds or it's nothing. I know it's unbearable for them. I understand that their up at the crack of dawn to do work and get off late and all they want it to sleep, but abandonment is starting to kick in even more. It just feels like I'm all alone in fighting for this relationship. I know it's not entirely true but it feels that way. I know I always get upset when I don't get to talk to him every few days to know he's okay and that he loves me. I know its a pattern, I get upset when he's unavailable for a few days.

So maybe this is just my upset rant that I can't talk to my boyfriend about everything. I mean things keep changing here and I can't even keep him up to date; but it's kinda sorta my own fault because I don't wanna call or text because I don't know what's going on where he is so I keep my distance and try to be available when he can talk. What about me though, what about what I am dealing with while he's being a marine and I'm a regular civilian? I know I know its selfish to think that I could ever compare with the marines and I know; but it sucks so hard core to know that. It sucks that I know that I can never compete or be ahead of a job.

How do you other women deal with it? Just sit at home and remember how much he loves you and you wait till he gets back to tell you how important you are in his life? I just feel like... I don't know anymore. I want to put up with everything, but it is very hard when almost everything seems to be falling apart to some degree. I know I shouldn't be thinking that my life is falling apart because things aren't going all so well, but it's so hard when I feel abandoned to sit here and look at what is positive. I bet everyone has problems when their worried about their lover, whether he or she be a marine or civilian.
Sempre Fi!

4th of July

Well the 4th of July has always been an amazing weekend; it's filled with family fun and fireworks. What could be better? Well this year I get to spend the 4th of July with my marine. I couldn't be happier. It's a national holiday that shows our freedom and I get to spend the weekend with a man who has dedicated three years of his life to that cause. I must admit my last entry was slightly upsetting after I reread it today. The feelings of dealing with a deployment, tour, whatever one wants to call it is a struggle.

I believe myself I am an optimist and that I can endeavor with whatever I am thrown into, but this relationship keeps me guessing every day. I have always been unsure of myself, no matter what I say I have always been very self conscious and aware of myself, not always the best feeling in the world, but whenever I was dating someone I never felt that they could tell I was self conscious because most of the time if I didn't see them they could tell me they missed me or that they loved me and not be so cryptic with everything they do.

Well as we all know Marines are not ones to be mushy and gushy at least not when around their buddies. That's the hardest part about deployments, I know over the last few months I've mentioned numerous things that I find hard, but I feel that the change in the person especially my marine is hard to deal with. I know already that he's going to be colder, not as sweet all the time and not as available. That's such a huge difference to the man that I met, and no I didn't fall in love with him because he was sweet or warm all the time or the fact that he was available a lot of the time. I just find the very small things that I would normally take for granted in any relationship the hard part.

It's funny, in the summer, ESPECIALLY in New York all the couples are out, whether their sunbathing in Central Park or sipping coffees in starbucks you see them everywhere. Every time I see a couple holding hands at a stoplight or a kissing in the rain, it makes my heart twinge. I've never gotten to stop at a stoplight and kiss my boyfriend or have it be warm enough that I could kiss him in the rain without getting sick. I know every marine girlfriend, fiancée, wife or any relation to any of the services deals with that feeling of loneliness when they can't be near their loved ones. It's just hard to believe I've joined a league of such extraordinary women and men who live their lives to protect this country.

Honestly, if some of the people I know from years ago heard me say the stuff I write here, they would never tell you it was me. They wouldn't be able to recognize the style or the thoughts in the writing. I must admit that I hide my sorrows that come from my relationship because not one of my friends who I've known since god knows when can honestly sit there and listen to what I'm saying without jumping off topic to their relationship or their friend or college.

I feel when I say Marine, Iraq, Afghanistan, War, anything people freak out. It's weird, but I guess to some degree I must have acted that way too when I began to date my marine. I definitely remember telling my friends Army instead of Marine and they almost hit me... yeah, that vocabulary changed quite quickly. I can't imagine myself any other way and I'm happy to be able to say that.

I also wanted to thank all you girls, and maybe even some boys out there who have been reading my posts. It means a lot to me that yesterday 54 people looked at the blog. It is nice knowing that other people are going through what I am, and that people have dealt with it before me. So thank you again! I look forward to more comments and maybe some marine gf/wives/fiancées friends to talk to while my marine and many of theirs will be deployed!

Again thank you all!

Tug of War

Tug of War was always a fun game that I and almost everyone used to play as a child. I never thought it could be used for emotions, a situation or really anything. I find it to be a game you play with the dog or with a young child, not a 21 year old marine. I feel that this deployment is a tug of war game. I feel all I do is fight against what I feel is right. I'm bashing my head against something bigger then me. I feel like I'm trying to pull the rope away from something 100x bigger then me. I know I shouldn't be pulling away when he "is going to need me more then ever" but what about what I need. I need the reassurance that I'm needed in his life and I don't get any of that. I feel that the real thing that happening right now is my ex. A guy proposed to me earlier this year, well technically at the beginning of 2009. I said no, because I thought it was a bullshit... It really wasn't as much bullshit as I thought. He is still crazy in love with me and not afraid to tell me. It's hard as hell to deal with honestly. I don't want to be involved with him.. I love my marine but all I want to do is push against him to try and have him show me that he cares but everytime I push it goes nowhere. I'm supposed to see my marine this weekend and I don't think I can bring myself to do it honestly. I really don't think I can see him and then have to say goodbye again. It feels like all I'm ever doing is tugging against everything in my life and I hate it. I'm pushing away someone I care about because of god knows what. I just feel so ehh about everything. I can't even put my feelings into words anymore. There isn't anything to say. This day could also just be a really really bad day and I'm just reacting to it in a way that I shouldn't be. It may also be the fact that nobody I know has been supportive of my relationship with my marine. I feel that I'm always tugging against another person to see my relationship for what it is. I love my lance corporal and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with him, but my mother, my father to some degree, all of my friends except for the one's who have seen my relationship with him blossom. My mother hates the fact that he's a marine, my dad says, after I explained how much money would be involved if my boyfriend and I decided to get married, that I should marry him before he leaves and divorce him when he gets back (yeah my dads got a fucked up sense of love). My friends don't understand how I can love someone whose abandoning me to fight for a bullshit war. They also keep stating that he could die and why would he want to risk his life when he has me, and my marine says I'm a anxious alice. I know their trying to protect me from something they can't possibly understand, because they've never dealt with it. I've become a Marine, well a Marine Girlfriend, and it's changed me for the better. I've become a person I could have never seen myself becoming and it's all because I met someone who lived a completely and totally different life. I found a family who respects and loves no matter what skin color or background.

3 Weeks

3 weeks but 46 left to go!

As of three weeks ago my marine left for his predeployment training. I realize I haven't been writing but I don't know what to say. I feel as though I am falling apart as he is getting more prepared. When he moved in to his room at Cherry Hill, I explained that I felt like it was final, that it hadn't hit me until he left that he was really going to Iraq. He told me he knew it was happening and he was prepared. Well I wish he had prepared me better for the very little communication that I have with him whenever he has a second to talk. I wish he told me that it was going to be hard but that he believed I could do it.

I feel so alone. College is done for the summer so I'm home, my family is completely against me staying with him while he deploys to fight some godawful war that really nobody believes we should be in. I've put so much faith and work into this relationship, I'm so worried it won't remain as strong as it is now. I know it is possible to be even better and that is the outcome I am looking for, but as many of you know, it hurts to be left alone for so long with nothing but the hope that your man comes back alive and still loves you.

I am so proud of him for everything he has done. I know I haven't exactly been the best girlfriend while he'e preparing to go but what can you do except hold them close and tell them you love them. I pushed him away and he never pulled back so our last few days together were miserable. That is my fault and I fully admit to that and apologize for it.

Its been 3 weeks and I have a lot longer til he's even deployed and I feel as though I am falling apart. I have been very lucky to have had 6 months with my marine rather than a month or a week or any time in between. The 6 months have shown me that I am strong enough to stand by a marine's side and be happy. God made me to fall for him and stay with him through this.

To all the women starting to deal with their boyfriends, husbands, fiancees, and even friends leaving for their tour of duty, remember they are protecting and fighting for us. We should only be so lucky to have had the time we did with our marines. They are amazing men and each one of them has someone here thinking about them. Love them, respect them, miss them!

I miss my marine every morning when I wake up without him next to me, every meal Ieat, I remember when he used to sit next to me, every afternoon when he would come to relax after a long day of classes with me, being on the motorcycle with him going 140 mph and above all I miss him the most at night, where he used to sleep next to me every night for 6 months. I am just beginning to deal with the pain of a deployment but I feel that my feelings are the same as many of you are dealing with.

If anyone would like to talk or communicate with me, you are more then welcome to email me here or at laceyduaneselman@gmail.com. SEMPRE FI!

Marine VS. Army

What is the big deal?

My boyfriend is a marine and my best friend is in the army! Of course the one weekend I can see my army guy before he leaves for Afghanistan is the final weekend my boyfriend goes to drill before his deployment. i.e. my boyfriends going to be a pissy mess! My army friend isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the pack. He is rude and arrogant and I really can't put up with him, which is saddening because we've been friends for the last year. He doesn't understand that people aren't like him and that the way he acts isn't okay. He acts like an asshole to get girls and in New York, it works in Philadelphia yeah fucking right. I've taken him out to meet friends while he was here, but all he did was be completely disrespectful and got on me and everyone I know nerves. I respect my friend for joining the army and protecting the country and all that good stuff, but when it comes down to who I respect more, I respect my marine so much more. My army friend thinks he's better then my marine because he has had more training in infantry and crap of that nature. Yes my boyfriend is in communications but I like it better that way. I don't want him running off and shooting people. I guess the whole macho thing comes into play here. Army boy is off shooting people and comes off as an asshole; Marine boyfriend is doing a job to help people in communications. Its a mer choosing of who you want in bed with you at night. I once heard someone say that a woman wants to go out with the bad boy and have fun but takes the good guy to her bed. The army boy is the bad boy and my marine is the good boy in essence. I know its never that black and white but in the current situation it seems that way. I see how my army friends reacts and I don't think he's the right type of person to be involved in something so serious. He just seems to want to come off as a hero, but it really won't work. Look at what the Marines do when compared to the Army:

Marines:

• highly mobile amphibious attack force
• trained to attack from the water and establish a beach head, an area of control on foreign soil.
• Marines are mobile, lightweight, and very rapid.

Army:

• Ground-based military force.
• US Army captures and holds territory with the use of infantry, aircraft, and an extensive support staff.
• The US Army is in the thick of battle.

Just when looking at what each branch does you can't compare the two. I understand from the point of being a marine and being compared to someone in the army and or navy or coast guards, one would get offended. Marines do have the most vigorous and painful boot camp training of all the branches. I am not saying that the army boot camp isn't hard; it's just less "work". Sempre Fi! *remember I myself am a Marine Girlfriend, I respect all Marines, Army and Navy. I respect that all these young men and women are fighting in countries so I can live safely. I do not wish to offend anyone!*

Quotes

I noticed earlier on this week that many of the people who have stumbled across my blog are looking for Marine Girlfriend Quotes. I thought I would please some of them and add a new quotes I've seen running around online that I thought would be useful. If anyone has anymore please do leave a comment with them!

I'd rather be kissing than missing my marine

This bed is lonely without you here, missing my marine.

Half of my heart is in _____

The marines my have my husband, but I have his heart.

It may say US Marines over his heart, but it belongs to me.

No matter how many pillows I pile the bed with, it's so empty without him. Missing my deployed Marine.

A Marine's girl fights her hardest battle when she kisses her marine goodbye.

Missing you gets easier everyday, because it brings me one day closer to being with you again.

I'm the girl who worries everyday your away. I'm the girl who will stand by you through everything. The girl who is proud to say you are mine. The girl who loves you with my whole heart. I miss and love my marine. Come home soon.

I sleep alone so you don't have to. Proud Marine Girl missing my marine.

Just because he's deployed doesn't mean I'm single.

True love knows no distance. Loving & Missing my marine.

I may wear the glass slippers.. but my hero wears combat boots.

I'm the girl who waits months for a single kiss a kiss that makes the months apart worth every second ♥

God made some of the strongest women, and made their match with a Marine!

Forget shinning armor, I'm loving my hero in his dirty cammie's.

Roses are red, cammies are Green, I'm in love with a US Marine

Distance makes the weak weaker, and makes the strong stronger

"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib: not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal; under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved