Monday, August 10, 2009

If I'm gonna die, I want to die comfortable...

After many weeks of anticipation and anxiety I finally brought myself to see the summer movie "The Hurt Locker". I knew before I even thought of stepping through the 2 sets of clear double doors of the Regal theater that I would have to mentally prepare myself for a movie that depicts Iraq as a dangerous place. The movie was incredible and I have been raving about it for about a week now.

The main I wanted to blog about this movie was a quote I picked up from the movie which is that "War is a Drug". I have been thinking about this since I saw the movie. It's hit a spot I can't seem to itch. I guess the reason I can't seem to shake it, is the fact that I believe the quote. I mean look at my boyfriend, he claims that the stuff he's heard is awful and he never would rather he run over by a car then go back but he's going back and he's excited.

It reminds me of a drug user, when their trying to get clean they say they'll never touch it again, they'd rather die then take another hit and then there they are getting that a hit a few hours later. I understand the idea to some degree, I mean I hate to say it but I'm really excited for this deployment just because I know I'm being involved in something in another country that I'll probably never step foot in. I wish it meant that I could be with him while he was doing all this good over in the the other country but I'm still excited.

I guess another reason that this quote hit so hard is just for the plain fact that my marine, the love of my life, the man I want to marry is going over there and after watching this movie which shows so much about the lifestyle of a bomb squad in Iraq, I can understand where he's going. The last thing I should be doing is watching a movie that talks about bombs killing civilians but as Staff Sergeant William James says

"If I'm gonna die, I want to die comfortable."

I feel the same way, if I have to feel like I'm dying every day from missing him and loving him at least let me be comfortable with what's really going over there right?

What do you think? Would you rather "die" while you marine is deployed and be at least comfortable that you know exactly what's going on? or would you rather be left in the dark and just jump in feet first like stepping on a pressure plate?


*Please take no offense, remember I too am a involved with a marine and understand how hard it is for those who go over to leave their loved ones. I also respect and give my prays to those who have been lost over in Iraq and Afghanistan!*
I know this is a different type of entry but it's been coming up in my life so much I felt that it was an important topic for me to journal about I guess. If you've read my pervious entry where I talk about my marine's family I explained that everyone in the family is adopted. Well here’s a shocker for ya but I am too. I found out at the age of 4 that I was adopted and have been excited to meet my birth parents ever since.

The real reason as to why I am letting everyone in on my dirty little secret is that I met my family last week. I feel that after a week I have a little more thoughts on my mind then when it happened. But to start from the beginning I found them in April after Spring Break. I talked to my boyfriend’s family over Spring Break about how all 4 of their kids found their birth parents and how the relationships worked out. Well it inspired me to go and find them. I have been talking to them for about 4 months. They are amazing people. I found out that my parents are still together and they have another child, so I have a biological little brother who’s about 6 years younger then me. I am so excited to meet them but as my birth mother says there is no right way to approach the situation.

Even though I have known my parents and my sister my whole life, it isn't the same relationship I have with my birth parents even though I have only spoke to them for a short amount of time. I love them with a passion that I've never cared for someone other then family. I can’t even explain it. I guess it really is because I’ve known about them since I was a little child but my adopted sister and my boyfriend share the same view of who gives a damn they gave me up and I don’t know them their not family.

Last weekend was amazing though, it was the 1st of August that I was able to meet them. After 4 months of waiting and waiting I was finally able to say I know my birth parents and my little brother. I think the part that hits so close to home is my little brother. Growing up with my little sister whose only 2 years younger then me is rough. We recycle friends, boys, schools, homework, and grounding, everything; so it’s so strange to meet someone who’s me in a younger version who acts exactly like I do. I guess talking to him really warped my mind. He’s so much like me that even has a lisp. Now that’s something my parents claim my adopted father gave me because he has one. He also loves violent video games like Halo and Unreal Tournament at 12. I guess even now I don’t have much to say, I’m still semi speechless about it but I thought I would update everyone as to why I haven’t been talking much.

Below is the new happy family! Hope all the marines are doing well! SEMPRE FI!Me and my Birth parents