I Keep Racking My Brain for a REASON

Why did he choose to pick up his life again and throw all that he has down the drain? I love him more then anything but why does he have to me hurt so that he can be the hero? I understand it's his duty and I feel in love with that but what about his duty to his family or me for that matter? Oh wait he has no duty to me because he is technically a single marine. I don't feel bad that he isn't married to me. It doesn't matter as long as he is coming back into my arms and nobody else. Honest to God I think it would be harder for me to marry him as he is running off to Iraq. Iraq scares me no matter how safe it is it. I've been told it's more dangerous to walk around in my neighborhood then in Al Asad. My biggest fear is him not coming home. I know it is so unlikely that he won't return but it is a fear that won't leave my mindset for a while. Fear is only a line away from other emotions. The only reason I fear is because I love him. Fear is irrational which goes hand in hand with love. You can't love without fear and you can't fear without love. I know he cares and that is why he can't always be honest about everything in Iraq. It's just so he can protect me. I respect him for trying to protect me from what he has seen and what he will see when he goes back. He has told me stories about how hard it was for him to adjust to life as a civilian when he got back. I mean I know how hard it is dealing with jet lag when i get back from Europe. It sucks, but imagine 7 months in a war zone with people not being abel to visit at all.

Visitors

are probably the nicest part about staying in the states and being not that far away from Drexel. All my friends and family can visit me and make sure I'm okay. Zappa can't, I can't even call the boy when he's over there. I think that's going to hurt the most. I love being able to hug him and his kiss his back, his shoulders, his chest, while I tell him I love him. I love being able to wake up next to him feeling his warm body against mine, or the way he holds me as he falls asleep. Falling asleep next to someone is the next most intimate thing I think two people can do. Letting someone be in bed with you as your as vulnerable as you can be is something so special. People wake up looking awful, breathing reeking. One is so vulnerable when their sleeping. A person could take advantage of that vulnerability and use it against you. It takes a lot of trust to really let someone lie next to you. *remember I myself am a Marine Girlfriend, I respect all Marines, Army and Navy. I respect that all these young men and women are fighting in countries so I can live safely. I do not wish to offend anyone!*